Failure and lack of confidence

Keeps me at my knees with my fingers down my throat. It's quite pathetic and sad that I'd stoop that low for satisfaction. But the only way I could refrain from the urge of letting all the flowing hazard-mess in my body out, is to refrain from eating completely. I run 2 times a day, over 3 miles each time, and i tell myself it's okay to eat, and I'll run it off. So wrong. I just feel it building up, my arms growing, my stomach hanging over my jeans. And then I'm right back to where I didn't want to be.

I'm going to try and stop blogging about my horrid habits.
so this is the last blog where i cry about my purging.

I'm going to start blogging about more serious things.





on a happier note;
my son is getting really big :) and he makes me smile more than i ever have my whole life.<3